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Violence, Tragedy, Loss and Fear

by Timber

In the wake of the most recent events (we’re talking hours, here) ride a few very dubious entities. Tragedy, Loss and Fear. They are having a heyday skiing on the tears of a community ripped apart by Violence.

In Newton, CT, this morning, a shooting happened at a school. The numbers are still coming in as to the staggering amount of loss, but suffice to say that the number is near 30, with the majority being children.

My heart breaks with this news. For those of us that will probably never have children (and certainly most who have), we are outraged by the fact that people could have such a cavalier attitude toward our innocents. Why did this happen?

We may never know. And this tragedy will spark many arguments: gun control, mental health, blah blah blah. This is not what we need to be talking about right now. There are more important issues at stake here.

Namely, how do we combat Fear and Loss now that Violence and Tragedy have already made their appearance and done their damage? What we SHOULD be concerned with, is how are we going to help put this community and this nation back together after this Columbine-like incident?

There are parents, families, friends and teachers that will never be the same. The will be very afraid. They will be devastated. They will be hurting. They will be VERY angry!

Let the experts figure out what happened. What we need to do, in our communities, families and schools, is to educate, love and respect. We need to insure this DOESN’T happen. Now, regardless of your argument about guns, that is not the root of the problem. The root of the problem is how we treat each other and recognizing the warning signs.

What is this world coming to that we can’t even have a simple disagreement without coming to blows? What is teaching people that it’s okay to walk into a school and open fire? Where has our compassion gone? Is it video games? Is it violence on television? Is it guns?

No. And people are going to throw a fit over what I believe the answer is. . .but I’m going to tell you anyway. I believe it’s because we have become latch-key parents and guardians. It’s because we are no longer actively involved in what our children are watching, or playing. It’s because WE ARE THE ONES WHO TEACH OUR CHILDREN THAT VIOLENCE IS OKAY!!!!!

Shut off your technology. Shut off the violent TV programs and don’t buy the violent games. If your child sees something that you think is disturbing, then TALK TO THEM ABOUT IT! Get the hell outside and hug and play with your children. Invite your neighbors over for a barbecue. Go visit an elderly family member. CONNECT (not via internet or phone) with the flesh and blood people in your lives! Touch them, don’t text them!

Truly be involved in what goes on in people’s lives. Know your children’s teachers by name. Know their grades. Know how much and what kind of homework they have. Know who your kids’ friends are. Know their parents. Know what your children are watching on TV and reading (on the internet, or in print). Monitor their phones and read their text messages. It’s okay! You are their parent, not their friend.

Incidents like this ARE NOT okay. It is time for us to stand up and fight what’s wrong. It is time to get involved. It’s time for us to actually teach our children and not leave them to electronic babysitters. If you’re going to be a parent, then by God, BE ONE!!

THIS is how we will fight Violence, Tragedy, Fear and Loss.

The Joys of Parenting

by Timber

Ever since I was a little boy, I wanted to be a father. I even asked for a baby doll for Christmas, much to my parents’ chagrin. However, I actually GOT said baby doll. Her name was Tina! Funny how I can remember that. I took her everywhere around the house with me. Made sure she “ate” and changed her diaper. Mom used to watch me with her and she had decided that I would make a fantastic father, someday.

In church, on Sundays, Mom would often take nursery duty. There weren’t that many infants in those days, but she would bring me with her to “help.” Little did she know that my “help” really WAS help. She used to delight in telling people that little babies/children and dogs really love me. Whenever someone was fussy, into my arms they went. And, they quieted down very quickly.

I spent many years believing that I would, someday, be a father. I got married at 19 partly because of that. Now, never you mind that I had come out at 17 for the first time. My desire to be a parent far outweighed the fact that I am gay. And, I knew that the only way I could ever have children was to be married. This was a direct result of growing up in the church with a minister for a father.

Shortly thereafter, I got divorced. A marriage that lasted 9 months, legally. And, I came out again. All of my hopes of parenthood were dashed and I was preparing myself to never think of children again.

Fast forward some years later. I worked my way out of the “pink haze” and I became an adult. (In maturity vs. age – there is a HUGE difference!) I was spending my time around couples of all genders and sexuality. And, there were children. Who knew?

Again, hope flared. Albeit, briefly. I began to look into adoption, but here in the State of Montana, you are more likely to be able to adopt as a single parent, than as a gay couple. Hopes dashed again.

I met a young man at the theatre where I do some music direction and acting. He was a foster kid and really was one of societies throw-aways. He had been in the foster care system since he was 4 years old and was fast approaching 17. We struck up a friendship and then became a bit closer. I was a mentor to him. Eventually, he started calling me, “Dad.” And a family was born.

Fast forward just a few months later. Around the same time I met the young man, I met a single mother with a wonderful daughter. Come to find out, they were our neighbors across the street. We had only just moved in. Well, my partner and I used to spend a lot of time sitting on the front porch. Very late one evening, we send a text to “Mom” saying, “Kid is home. Isn’t she a bit late?” From that, became a surrogate parenthood of a teenage daughter. As a matter of fact, while I sit here writing this, she is staying at our house while her mother is out of town and I am fretting like any other parent because I am waiting for her to come home, the snow is starting to come down and she just got her driver’s license this summer. . .I digress.

Anyway, I read an article that gave me even more hope. Read it here: Foster Parenting

It would appear that in Los Angeles, they are trying to court LGBT couples to become foster parents! Something that we might consider in Montana. Think about it. . .so many children need stable homes. And, how many of us have had the desire to become parents, but lack the funds to adopt or have surrogacy, etc? (By the way, adopting from the foster care system is usually subsidized BY the foster care system! Or at least the costs are greatly reduced.)

So, my point in all of this is, “FAMILY” is defined many ways. There are many opportunities for us to become parents. There are many ways to help children out there. And, there are times for us to be positive role models to young people.

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Let Me Introduce Myself and Our Democratic Republic

by Timber

Hello all! My name is Timber Venard and I received the honor of becoming a contributing writer with “From Eternity to Here.” I feel very blessed for this opportunity and I hope that you will enjoy what I write. Thank you, Greg!

 

My blogs tend to be a little tongue-in-cheek, but I like to sandwich good information with humor and sarcasm. There really IS a point to the things that I write. So, bear with me on the journey and let’s see where this takes us!

 

I was born into a Christian family. Let me restate that: I am a preacher’s kid! Oh, my poor parents were screwed from the get go! I wasn’t a bad kid, but yes, I am gay. And we all knew it from a pretty early age. Although, that brought its own trials and tribulations over the years. Perhaps, someday I will tell you about them all!

 

I am a HUGE activist for the LGBT community regarding equal rights and marriage equality. I am hoping to use my superpowers (my writing skills, of course) for good! But, occasionally there is wickedness/evil that shows up in my editorials (insert evil laugh here). I also run my own VERY small blog called, Timber’s Morning Coffee. If have have the time, or the inclination, please check it out!

 

So, for our first topic of discussion, Democracy, our rights and our responsibilities.

 

We think that because we live in a democratic republic (notice I didn’t say, “Democracy”), we assume that everything changes simply because of a vote. This isn’t quite the truth. I recently read an article in Advocate Magazine regarding the comparison of civil rights work in China vs. the United States.

 

In some foreign countries, they believe that we have so many more freedoms and that they are all granted by the government. In many ways, that’s very true, but in other ways, that is completely false, and we have fallen into the same trap of believing that we are going to get whatever we want, simply by saying so.

 

President Lyndon B. Johnson signs the 1964 Civ...

President Lyndon B. Johnson signs the 1964 Civil Rights Act as Martin Luther King, Jr., and others, look on. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

 

WAKE UP!!! Yes, there was a good coup for LGBT civil rights in this last election, but it doesn’t stop there. All of the rest of the States and the Federal Government still have plenty of work to do in recognizing the equality of LGBT people. And, where does this start?

 

With you. With your voice. Knocking on doors, making phone calls, writing letters/blogs. Being visible in the community.

 

You see, we can’t just vote in our own civil rights. The point of a democratic republic is that we elect representatives to vote FOR us. This means, as our representatives, they need to listen to their constituency. Although, that’s not a guarantee that they will.

 

At this point, it is going to take thousands of little victories in order to gain the BIG ONE! Each city that passes a non-discrimination ordinance (C’mon, Helena!!) is a step in the direction of equal rights. If we can look back to the racial civil rights, look at what a slow process that was. It didn’t just happen over night. From the Emancipation Proclamation to the first desegregated schools it took well over 100 years.

 

Because of information technology, some of these things can happen faster than before, but it’s still going to take the same amount of work on our (the average citizen’s) part.

 

I, for one, have a good (choke. . .republican) friend in the Montana Legislature. He has slowly been changing his views on civil rights for the LGBT community because he has gotten to know me and my partner. We are real people to him. And yes, he and I will be having several discussions regarding our views on civil rights. I may not sway him, but perhaps I can get him to think and maybe even compromise.

 

That’s the point. We are not going to win the battle in one fell swoop. We are going to win it one heart and one mind at a time. Settle in, kids. It’s going to be a bumpy ride, but it will definitely be worth it!! And, if you don’t get involved, how are things ever going to change? But, if you DO get involved, then we will send you a plaque and a voucher for a toaster oven! (I’m shooting for the cruise!)

 

Not really, but you WILL get to say that you were in the forefront of changing American History. How often do we get to say that we were a part of making history? Usually for me, it’s just making things covered in glitter and feathers and although some of those things are EPIC and should be in a museum, they don’t further my equality as a human being!

 

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