Norwegian Lesbian Couple Hailed As Heroes

A lesbian couple may have saved as many as 40 lives last Friday during the Norway massacre, according to news reports.

Hege Dalen and Toril Hansen are being hailed as heroes for piloting their boat to Utoya island on four trips as a heavily armed gunman was mowing down dozens of children at a camping outing.

HS.fi reported that the lesbian couple were “eating supper in the camping area opposite Utoya island when they started hearing gunshots and screaming.” It said the women rescued people who had jumped into the water to escape the gunman’s bullets.

Anders Behring Breivik confessed to the massacre and to the earlier bomb attack in Oslo that killed seven people, yet has pleaded not guilty in court. Prosecutors say the suspect is a right-wing Christian extremist who is anti-Muslim.

For Ted and Jack, Marriage Equality Came Too Late

Jul24 by D Gregory Smith

Ted and Jack

Crossposted at Bilerico.com

You may remember my friend Ted Hayes. He’s been a guest of the site, writing a column about fundamentalism and sexuality and the pro-choice-life rhetoric.

New York’s Hudson Valley Times Herald-Record profiled Ted today- on the day that marriage equality becomes a reality in that state- and it’s beautiful.

For many people outside the LGBT world, gay pride and marriage equality is too often seen simply as the cause of “radical” youth- the pierced, cross-dressing, politically and theologically liberal boys/girls/trans/men/women with their Harleys and glitter and rollerskates.

It is that- and I happen to love it and believe in the power and importance of self-expression.

But it’s also more.

Gay Pride and marriage equality are also about the people of advancing age who have struggled to live their lives with love and integrity in the face of hatred, anger, denial and oppression- the kind that many of us today simply cannot fathom.

Enter Ted:

This is a short story about a man’s long life as he stands on the brink of a day he never thought would arrive.

At the age of eight, Ted Hayes heard a kid in the schoolyard call another kid a queer.

Hayes asked a friend what the word meant.

“It means when boys like boys, not girls. My dad says anyone like that should be killed.”

The friend said he was sure glad he wasn’t like that. Hayes agreed.

“That was the day the lying began — years and years of lying,” Hayes, of Stone Ridge, recalled last week.

The state’s gay marriage law takes effect Sunday. Hayes, now 80, grew up in the South and has mixed feelings about it. He’s fought for gay marriage and he’s glad it’s finally come to pass. Yet, the law ends at the New York state border. It represents a battle won, in a war that’s still being fought.

The law’s passage came too late for Hayes to share its satisfactions with his partner of 26 years, Jack Waite, who died of cancer two years ago at the age of 94.

“Jack could never grasp how our being married would have harmed another’s marriage in the slightest,” Hayes said, dismay coloring his voice.

The harm that’s been done, as Hayes has experienced it, has not been done by those who have struggled for marriage equality but by those who would deny them, people who have tried all Hayes’s long life to keep him a fearful, uncomplaining second-class citizen.

Thanks, Ted. We owe you one.

Read the full, beautiful story here.

A Time for Heroes

Dec2 by D Gregory Smith

My 2009 World AIDS Day Speech- old ideas in a new format, but it still works.
–
People gather on World AIDS Day to be reminded.
We’re all here for a reason. That reason is most likely a person, a person we love- maybe more than one.
Let’s take a moment now and remember those reasons.

~“We Remember all who have died with HIV, especially those we have known and loved and cared for.
~We call to mind all who live with HIV/AIDS today, especially those we know and love.
~We open our hearts to those infected and yet untested, undiagnosed – too scared and ashamed to take that step.
~We remind ourselves that there are people who continue to put themselves at risk out of ignorance, fear or shame.
~For all the families and friends, partners and spouses, parents and children who grieve and who worry- and for all those who work to help, we remember.
~And for us, gathered here this night- That we may never forget.”

This is a time for heroes.
The world seems to be unstable, politics are brutal, the economy is a mess and we are a nation at war- on so many fronts. It is a difficult time, but heroes aren’t required in easy times.
But let’s forget about the economy, the wars, politics and even healthcare for a minute.

People are still dying of HIV/AIDS in the State of Montana- I lost a friend just this year.
People are still being infected here. Families are being traumatized; lives are being changed forever because of this disease. Today. Right here.
It’s not pleasant to think about, but it’s true.
That’s where you come in.
After all, this is a time for heroes.
Right here, right now, we need you.

HIV will be slowed and maybe even stopped when the shame is stopped, when the stigma ends, when people see beyond prejudices and fears and realize that this is about the life of other human beings inextricably bound up with their own.

When a kid in Townsend or Belgrade or Dillon or Busby won’t fear being tested, won’t fear the reaction of his family, her friends, his church or their country if the test is positive.

When everyone at risk won’t fear being tested only because they’ve tried to love
in ways some find objectionable or even repugnant.
~Finding love repugnant- now there’s a problem.

When people aren’t afraid to disclose their status because of fear of recrimination or losing their jobs or being ostracized.

When information is allowed to be given freely in order to prevent HIV and educate others about risk and transmission.
When the human heart becomes big enough for all people, even those we do not yet understand.

When, when, when…

We’re not there yet, that’s why this is a time for heroes.
A time to end shame and stigma and fear and ignorance.
A hero will stand immovably reasonable in the face of ignorance.
A hero will speak out when she hears indifference.
A hero will step in when others are paralyzed or indifferent.

This we do, every day.
That’s why you’re here- you’re already heroes.
But I think we can do better.
We can do better by not forgetting when we walk out that door.
We might take that Red Ribbon off when we go home,
but let’s not forget what it stands for.
Let’s not forget who it stands for.

Confront ignorance with firm facts and gentle honesty.
Confront harsh judgment with steadfast compassion and strength.
Confront hatred with caring and love.
Don’t give in to fear.

That’s not why we’re here.
We’re not here to give in.
We’re here to stand up.
We’re here to remind ourselves why we are needed.

We’re here to be heroic.

So, do me a favor. Don’t let the ignorance in.
When you hear it, or see it, tell people you know someone who’s HIV-positive, because now you know me, so you do.
Take the fullness of this night into your heart and keep it with you.
Use it to safeguard the dignity of another human being, a human being that may be your co-worker, a family member, a grocery store clerk, a waiter, a mechanic, a teacher, a friend.

Be a hero.