I was being interviewed last Sunday on Leslie Cunningham’s radio show, when I had a sudden realization.
Well, it wasn’t sudden in the sense of being hit with something, it was more like I finally understood the relationship of a scientific principle to its practical counterpart in nature; pheromones, for instance.
I realized that I was talking freely about myself to God knows how many people and I wasn’t afraid.
I wasn’t thinking about editing myself to protect my own ego or anybody else’s for that matter. I talked openly about growing up gay in rural Montana, leaving the priesthood, having HIV and finding love in a culture that doesn’t recognize me equally under the law. I talked about personal philosophy, about faith, about not fearing the future and about living positively, every day.
I remember from childhood always deeply self-editing my comments for shameful content, real, perceived or imagined. I spent so much time being careful, I was confused about my true thoughts and feelings. I mostly grew out of that, especially after the imposed guilt and shame were addressed, but really, I felt the absence of that habit most keenly on Sunday, talking to Leslie. It was an evolutionary step in a life that continues to amaze me.
Here I am. Take it or leave it.
I think I’ll take it.