Sorry for the silence- it’s been a long 26 hours.
I was in Bozeman last night facilitating the men’s process group, when I got a message: Sars has had a really bad nosebleed (dangerous for a man on a lot of blood thinners) and had to be taken to the hospital by ambulance. He’s going to be there overnight, so don’t worry.
To top it all off, we had the mother of all Spring blizzards last night, so a drive that usually takes me a little over an hour took almost two- whiteout conditions included. I arrived frazzled about 11 pm (too late to visit the hospital) and slept (badly). This morning I got to the hospital to see my friend looking weak and frail- even after receiving two pints of blood. I’m not really sure I’ve seen him like this before. He’s always been sickly, but his eyes always twinkled, and his smile came easily. Not today. Reality is starting to grab me by the belt loops and say “Here I am. Deal with me.”
After conferring with the doctor it was decided that we would keep him there another night, because, as the doctor said “At eighty-five, it would do him some good to rest and recover a bit- and you need to take a break. It’s not going to be any easier from here.” Yeah, I guess.
But the house is very quiet without him.
I was my mother’s care taker for 10 years – she was a double amputee due to poor circulation. I never knew what to expect when I came home from work or school. I slept with my door open in case she fell out of bed..again. Or couldn’t get into her wheel chair to make it to the toilet in time etc etc. There is little personal life, there is plenty of criticism from the one sibling, Ms Nurse, but little help. At night after getting her into bed am told “Oh, by the way, I have cancer or am going blind..” (depened on the date) then try to sleep so I could go to work the next day. She had home health aid for a few hours and could function to a point. Her good attitude made the difference.
It made life interesting. It taught patience and being slightly unhinged helped retain my sanity, or something like that. I learned it took approx 3.5 hrs from ER to a room, so I always had a book and list of her meds. Never got used to it, but it had to be done. When it is my turn, there will no one.
When it’s your turn, you’ll be surprised…
D Gregory Smith, MA__________________ Whoever can see through fear will always be safe. -Tao te Ching