Author Archives: D Gregory Smith

8 Tips To Lower Holiday Stress

by D Gregory Smith

I wrote this a few years ago- but I think it’s still good information- so I revised a few things and thought I’d offer it again (Also published on The Bilerico Project)

Feeling stressed and/or depressed lately? You’re not alone. The Holiday Season is reported to be “problematic” for about forty-five percent of the general population, and there may be added concerns for LGBTIQ persons.

A Christmas tree inside a home.

There is often so much pressure to be joyous and to share “the most wonderful time of the year”. It can be especially hard for those of us who feel wounded by the various Ghosts of Christmas/Hanukkah/Kwanzaa Past. Family and work dynamics can be hard at the best of times, during the holiday season it can reach a torturous crescendo:

“I can’t stand so-and-so, and they’re going to be at Grandma’s for dinner.”

“I do not want to go to Midnight Mass with the family, but I’m more upset by the thought of dealing with the fallout of not going.”

“I just know that Bible-thumper at work thinks I’m going to hell. The office party is always a nightmare.”

“I’m going to have to fend off all the questions of why I’m not married.”

“If they knew the truth, I’d be fired (disowned, disgraced, etc.).”

“I don’t have enough money for gifts. Shopping is so much pressure. I feel inadequate compared to….”

“I’m bringing my partner, and this is the first time. I’m worried that they’ll say or do hurtful things.”

Yep. All familiar. But there are some things to keep in mind when dealing with the stresses of the Holiday Season….

First, remember, you’re not alone.

“Forced fun” with co-workers, family and extended circles of families and friends happens to everybody. Many people, straight, gay and otherwise feel that they aren’t part of the celebration because they don’t feel particularly festive or “in the Christmas spirit”. The pressure to have fun, be nice and ignore grudges and difficulties can result in the completely opposite effect.

Not out to family, co-workers or friends? This can dramatically increase holiday stress. Maintaining a front and keeping secrets is hard- especially at a time of year that focuses on kindness and generosity. Constantly protecting yourself can be exhausting. Constantly worrying about safety, acceptance, integrity and livelihood is excruciating- especially at a holiday party.

It can be even worse if you’ve been rejected by your family or friends because of your sexuality or gender identity.

For many of us, our day-to-day lives are lived with people who care for and support us emotionally. We’ve created our own families. We’ve created routines that encourage and nurture us. We’ve developed our own beliefs

The holidays can totally upset that.

Even the mentally healthiest among us can be challenged by relatives and parents, regardless of acceptance or support. Ram Dass once said, “If you think you’re enlightened, go spend a week with your parents.”

And even if we are out, during the holidays we’re often surrounded by people who may be biologically related or who share the same work, but who do not support us, or who are even openly hostile. Whether this is true or simply a suspicion or feeling, it still causes anxiety, which in turn causes increased stress levels- often leading to some very depressing thoughts. A very slippery slope mentally….

What to do? If your particular situation seems to be causing problematic stress or depression, please seek out professional help. But for those relatively-minor-once-a-year issues, below are a few suggestions I have found helpful.  Please feel free to add your own:

  • Be aware of your anxiety. Notice when your tension levels are rising, and let yourself feel them. Feelings never hurt anybody- the actions resulting from those feelings are the real kicker, and quite often those actions happen because feelings are so bottled up that the pressure forces an explosion. Often, simply noticing and naming the anxiety can calm it.
  • Breathe. Under stress, the breath is often shallow, keeping oxygen levels at a minimum which just adds more stress. As simple as it sounds, three deep, conscious breaths can bring instant relief, slowing the heart rate, reducing hypertension- and anxiety levels.
  • “Is that true?” That question has been my lifesaver in many situations. My brain can run amok with fantasies of what people will say or do in response to me- things that I can’t possibly know for certain. Anxiety levels rise in the face of uncertainty. This simple question slows my thoughts and brings me back to the facts.
  • Be here now. Most stress involves either the past or the future- both are perspective distortion agents. Staying in the here and now reduces stress.
  • Resist the urge to self-medicate. Most people eat and drink more and exercise less than they normally would at this time of year.  If you’re prone to depression already, (and even if you’re not) a hangover and love handles won’t help. Plus, alcohol, a depressant, may seem to help for a while, but usually worsens depression and stress symptoms later on. It also reduces inhibitions, making hurt feelings, disagreements and fights much more likely.
  • Give yourself an out. If you have to spend an extended amount of time with family, work some down time into the schedule. Removing yourself from the situation can be vital, and it can be done gracefully. “I just need some alone time” is something that almost anyone will respect. There are lots of reasons to be alone- get creative. A short walk, a hot shower, a nap, an AA meeting, or even extended time behind the locked door of a bathroom can do amazing things to renew self-confidence, perspective and energy.
  • Remember, this is temporary. Most of us can survive anything for a few days. If you’re in a situation that you feel you may not be able to handle well, by all means, get out! But if staying will do less damage to yourself and others than leaving, remembering the finite nature of the visit may help.
  • Take care of yourself. You know what you need to do to be healthy. Eat well, exercise, hydrate, rest, play and give yourself permission to be human.

No matter what the situation, my greatest stressor is this:

Worrying about something I have little or no control over.

Recognizing that is key.

People are going to think what they think, and my thoughts or actions will probably not change that- especially in the short amount of time I have to spend with them during the holiday season. Whether they approve of me or not is none of my business. My business is to be happy, honest, kind, and healthy.

And I can do it. I do it by knowing myself and taking care of myself- even under the pressure of Midnight Mass.

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Rehberg Tax Plan Increases Deficit by $25 Billion

by D Gregory Smith
Denny Rehberg - Caricature

Millionaire Congressman Dennis Rehberg yesterday voted for a GOP tax plan that adds $25.3 billion to the federal deficit, according to the non-partisan Congressional Budget Office.

Here’s what Montana Democratic Party Executive Director Ted Dick had to say about Congressman Rehberg’s latest contribution to the federal deficit:

“Congressman Dennis Rehberg has yet to explain why he voted to irresponsibly raise our debt by $25 billion and hike Medicare premiums in order to protect fellow millionaires. The fact is Dennis Rehberg increased the debt ceiling ten times during his ten years in office, all while giving himself five pay raises.”
More on how Rehberg’s vote for the House payroll-tax bill will add $25.3 billion to the deficit from The Hill:
“The CBO released a score Friday saying the GOP bill would add $25.3 billion to the federal deficit over the next 10 years under the CBO’s traditional rules for scoring legislation.””The CBO said under its rules, it could not consider the cuts to discretionary spending in its official score because they are contingent upon enactment of future legislation.”
As reported yesterday, The Associated Press said that the same Rehberg plan will increase Medicare Premiums for 1 in 4 seniors.

Living The Generous Life

by D Gregory Smith

Ode Magazine, something I look forward to every month, has an article entitled “Reflections on The Generous Life”- an antidote to the massive consumerism that infects the world at this time of year.

Hymns Children Generosity

Image via Wikipedia

For 30 years, most of us in the Western world have been having a party. We have been encouraged to be self-sufficient and independent, to become successful and rich, to search for true happiness and find “the real us.” We’ve been encouraged to buy our own homes, invest in shares, become entrepreneurs, travel the world and borrow as much money as we liked to consume “things” that upon cool, calm reflection we didn’t really need—or use. We have been ­cleverly and ruthlessly advertised and marketed at to buy a lifestyle rather than get a real life. We thought we had it all.

But now, the world is not in a happy state—and neither are most of us. We are nationally, corporately and individually bust, owing unimaginable trillions that would make our more prudent forebears groan with disbelief and which will take our children decades to repay.

I think it is time to change the world, for every one of us to wake up and decide that we, as individuals and in groups, can tackle the challenges our society faces. We can all become leaders and authors of change by living more generous, proactive lives, by inspiring each other and by setting an example for our friends and our children.

 Generosity, giving, sharing, change- things I love.

 

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Rehberg Supports Raising Medicare Premiums

by D Gregory Smith

Millionaire Congressman Dennis Rehberg is throwing his support behind a controversial proposal that will raise Medicare premiums for one out of four seniors.

Denny Rehberg - Caricature

Image by DonkeyHotey via Flickr

After voting twice this year to force major cuts to Medicare, Rehberg falsely claimed he was the “only member of Montana’s delegation who has consistently voted to protect Medicare and Social Security.” [Lee Newspapers, 12/4/2011]

Now he’s poised to hurt Medicare again by supporting the controversial House payroll tax holiday.

According to the Associated Press, Rehberg’s plan will be paid for by raising Medicare premiums on seniors, a proposal that would “expand over time to include the highest-earning one-fourth of seniors.”

Both Senators Jon Tester and Max Baucus have voted for alternative plans to extend the payroll tax holiday for middle class families, through higher taxes on only millionaires.

According to the Associated Press:

“Raising taxes on millionaires may be a non-starter for Republicans, but they seem to have no problem hiking Medicare premiums for retirees making a lot less.” [Associated Press, 12/13/2011]

“This couldn’t be a more clear example of Dennis Rehberg sticking up for his fellow multimillionaires while sticking it to middle-class Montana seniors,” said Ted Dick, Executive Director of the Montana Democratic Party.  “Dennis Rehberg has forgotten who he’s working for, and it’s clear whose side he’s on: the special interests who have bankrolled his 35-year career in politics.”

Rehberg recently touted the controversial House payroll tax plan after he inserted a rider in the legislation, despite his promise last year to abandon the practice of inserting irrelevant riders to bills.

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New York Times: Expanding HIV Treatment Necessary And Overdue

by D Gregory Smith

This hasn’t taken that long.

I’m blaming Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama.

The news that HIV treatment is prevention has taken a remarkably short time to hit the mainstream media, and it’s due to Secretary Clinton’s address to the NIH last month, and the President of The United States.

The NYT:

President Barack Obama announces a new compreh...

Image via Wikipedia

Important new findings show that very early treatment of people infected with H.I.V. enhances their health and greatly lessens the likelihood that they will spread the virus that causes AIDS. We welcome the Obama administration’s announcement of a farsighted effort to treat millions more infected people abroad, especially in sub-Saharan Africa.

The administration expects that the expanded treatments can be paid for with existing resources, by pushing for greater efficiencies and more financing from recipient nations. But if that effort stalls, the administration should re-evaluate quickly whether to ask Congress for money.

… Mr. Obama also announced that he would commit an additional $50 million in this country in fiscal year 2012 to help pay for treatments at AIDS clinics and in-state programs that provide AIDS drugs to people who can’t afford them. The money may be drawn from $1 billion available through the health care reform law.

Working to get these changes made legislatively have proven impossible in a Republican-owned House and a Republican-bullied Senate- especially when it involves the health of gay and bisexual men- so policy and administrative action were required. And by beginning to make testing and immediate treatment for HIV routine, medical practices are established that will be hard to take back.

An estimated 1.2 million Americans were infected with the virus at latest count, of whom 240,000 people are unaware. The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention started a campaign last week to increase testing with special emphasis on warning black gay and bisexual men, whose infection rates have been soaring, to get tested and treated.

Meanwhile, the New York City Health Department became the second (after San Francisco’s) to recommend doctors offer drug therapy immediately to every person diagnosed as infected, instead of waiting for the virus to damage their immune systems. The city has made enormous strides in testing, treating and cutting the number of new infections. Some 110,000 infected residents are under treatment; aggressive testing might find another 2,500 immediately and perhaps 500 a year thereafter.

The investments here and abroad should pay off in the long run by reducing the number of people infected and easing the severity of illnesses.

Thanks to you both.

 

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Tell your LGBT Children and Family You Love Them at…

by D Gregory Smith

By Kathy Baldock

aNotetoMyKid.com is a grassroots movement to publicly express love and support for the gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender (glbt) people in our lives .aNotetoMyKid was created by Patrick Wallace and Michael Volpatt in 2011 as a space for the friends and families of the glbt people to share their unconditional love .

You can join in the love and encouragement-giving with a note, a photo or video. Send a letter or photo, or the upload address of your video on youtube, to co- creator Patrick Wallace atPatrick@anotetomykid.com.

As part of the “Give a Gift of Love” campaign for the holiday at aNotetoMyKid , I submitted my video about my best friend, Netto Montoya. She is the person that God used to make me sensitive to, and eventually an advocate for the gay and trans community.

My home is at the edge of the Sierra Nevada Mountains in Nevada, a short drive from Lake Tahoe. With such close proximity to hiking trails, I have had a two-decade daily routine of hiking. It was on one of my daily walks in the fall of 2001, that I ran into Netto whom I’d seen occasionally on the trails. One day, I asked if she minded if I turned around and walked in her direction for a while.

And, Netto and I became hiking buddies.  The second time we hiked, I walked back to her truck and spotted a key ring with rainbow colored metal rings on it hanging from the rear view mirror of her truck.  “Hmmm”, I wondered, “is she gay?”

It never came up as a topic of discussion for almost a year.  I was conscious of the language she used : “partner” and other non-male-boyfriend terms, but I respected her privacy. My traditional Evangelical faith had caused ingrained beliefs about gay people and it took time for me to work through them.

We hiked hundreds of miles more in the coming years.  In openness and trust, I found a person who answered all my questions about lesbianism.  As dumb a question that you might imagine, I asked;  I knew nothing.  Never offended, nor secretive, Netto answered me.

I can still remember absolutely vividly, where we were on a trail when she told me she was going to a lesbian RV camp out and looked forward to it as the “only place where she felt safe”. “Safe?” I wondered, I always felt safe.  She said that society let her know she was the “lowest of the low” being a woman, a Native American and a lesbian. “Even God doesn’t love me,” she said.

It actually physically hurt that my friend would be viewed and treated in this manner. Everything stopped inside me as I considered how she must feel living in a world that was loving, accepting and comfortable to me.  In that moment, on that patch of dirt, a shift happened. I got a glimpse into the pain caused by “my side” towards “her side”. Right there,  God flipped a switch in me of compassion towards the gay community.  And, God used Netto Montoya to accomplish it.

And there’s more- click here.

Respite: A Political Breath Of Fresh Air

by D Gregory Smith

Man, have I been busy!

I’ve been trying to keep up, but it’s been very hectic for me/us lately with all of the travel and commitments I’ve been doing/keeping.

Today, I’m off to Dillon to address the New Gay-Straight Alliance, Bulldog Pride, at UM-Western. I couldn’t be more excited to encourage this community to embrace diversity and hopefully give them some encouragement from a local boy…. I’m also going to give them information about Pride Foundation’s scholarships for LGBTQ students in Montana. If you know interested parties in Dillon- spread the word.

So, on to the breath of fresh air. This is one of the most powerful speeches of all time about political idealism, humanity and personal values. It should be required viewing/reading for any politician, pundit or citizen. It’s certainly a product of the time, but I find it refreshingly wholesome and simple and welcome right now- as well as topical. It might have been written over half a century ago, but I think it can still be applied today.

Charlie Chaplin from the end of film The Great...

Image via Wikipedia

From Charlie Chaplin’s fabulous movie The Great Dictator (1940) comes this memorable quote from the mouth of a Jewish barber:

“…I’m sorry but I don’t want to be an Emperor – that’s not my business – I don’t want to rule or conquer anyone. I should like to help everyone if possible, Jew, Gentile, black man, white. We all want to help one another- human beings are like that.

We all want to live by each other’s happiness, not by each other’s misery. We don’t want to hate and despise one another. In this world there is room for everyone and the earth is rich and can provide for everyone.

The way of life can be free and beautiful.

But we have lost the way.

Greed has poisoned men’s souls – has barricaded the world with hate; has goose-stepped us into misery and bloodshed.

We have developed speed but we have shut ourselves in: machinery that gives abundance has left us in want. Our knowledge has made us cynical, our cleverness hard and unkind. We think too much and feel too little: More than machinery we need humanity; More than cleverness we need kindness and gentleness. Without these qualities, life will be violent and all will be lost.

The aeroplane and the radio have brought us closer together. The very nature of these inventions cries out for the goodness in men, cries out for universal brotherhood for the unity of us all. Even now my voice is reaching millions throughout the world, millions of despairing men, women and little children, victims of a system that makes men torture and imprison innocent people. To those who can hear me I say “Do not despair”.

The misery that is now upon us is but the passing of greed, the bitterness of men who fear the way of human progress: the hate of men will pass and dictators die and the power they took from the people, will return to the people and so long as men die [now] liberty will never perish…

Soldiers – don’t give yourselves to brutes, men who despise you and enslave you – who regiment your lives, tell you what to do, what to think and what to feel, who drill you, diet you, treat you as cattle, as cannon fodder.

Don’t give yourselves to these unnatural men, machine men, with machine minds and machine hearts. You are not machines. You are not cattle. You are men. You have the love of humanity in your hearts. You don’t hate – only the unloved hate. Only the unloved and the unnatural. Soldiers – don’t fight for slavery, fight for liberty.

In the seventeenth chapter of Saint Luke it is written ” the kingdom of God is within man ” – not one man, nor a group of men – but in all men – in you, the people.

You the people have the power, the power to create machines, the power to create happiness. You the people have the power to make life free and beautiful, to make this life a wonderful adventure. Then in the name of democracy let’s use that power – let us all unite. Let us fight for a new world, a decent world that will give men a chance to work, that will give you the future and old age and security. By the promise of these things, brutes have risen to power, but they lie. They do not fulfil their promise, they never will. Dictators free themselves but they enslave the people. Now let us fight to fulfil that promise. Let us fight to free the world, to do away with national barriers, do away with greed, with hate and intolerance. Let us fight for a world of reason, a world where science and progress will lead to all men’s happiness.

Soldiers – in the name of democracy, let us all unite!

Look up! Look up! The clouds are lifting – the sun is breaking through. We are coming out of the darkness into the light. We are coming into a new world. A kind new world where men will rise above their hate and brutality.

The soul of man has been given wings – and at last he is beginning to fly. He is flying into the rainbow – into the light of hope – into the future, that glorious future that belongs to you, to me and to all of us.

Look up.

Look up.”

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Mayo Clinic Makes Kidney and Pancreas Transplant Available to HIV-Infected Patients

by D Gregory Smith

Science Daily reports that:

Mayo Clinic in Florida is now offering kidney and pancreas transplants to HIV positive patients with advanced kidney disease and diabetes. Evidence is now solid that HIV-positive patients have the same favorable outcome in terms of patient and allograft survival as non-HIV positive organ transplant recipients, says Mary Prendergast, M.D., a kidney specialist whose focus is the care of patients who receive kidney and pancreas transplants.

Full story here.

Study: Rural Persons Less Likely To Be Tested For HIV

by D Gregory Smith

A new study reports that rural areas score lower on self-reported testing of high-risk populations than urban areas:

In this nationally-representative, population-based study of HIV testing frequencies in the United States, we found that the frequency of self-reported HIV testing decreased substantially as the residential environment became progressively more rural. After adjusting for differences in demographics and self-reported HIV risk factors, the odds of HIV testing in the past year were 35% lower among persons living in the most remote rural areas compared to persons in the most urban areas. Rural persons with a prior HIV test were more likely than urban to report testing in a hospital, but less likely in the outpatient setting.

A prior study in the early years of the HIV epidemic in the US also found that rural persons were less likely than urban to report HIV testing.[6] Our results demonstrate that this gap in testing persists in the modern era of effective HIV therapy, when early diagnosis and linkage to care are even more essential. Moreover, recent efforts to increase testing have not impacted the rural-urban gap in testing. Although rural persons with HIV experience barriers to care, prior studies have described effective models for delivering high-quality HIV care in rural settings.[12–18] This accentuates the importance of early testing and diagnosis among rural persons with HIV.

Still work to do…

Benefits Tonight For Montana HIV Agencies

by D Gregory Smith

Through a calendar snafu, there are two- count ’em, TWO- benefits for HIV organizations in  the State of Montana tonight.

I’ll be in Billings tonight, speaking at the Yellowstone AIDS Project’s evening called Simply Elegant: Thirty Years of Fighting and Thriving.
From their website:

On December 3rd, 2011, the Yellowstone AIDS Project will host the 16th Annual World AIDS Day Benefit to be held at the Big Horn Resort (1801 Majestic Lane,  Billings) at 6 pm. This year’s event is titled Simply Elegant: Thiry Years of Fighting & Thriving.

The evening will include tapas catered by Beyond Basil, a wine tasting, silent and live auction items, a moving speech by HIV positive Montanan, D Gregory Smith and Venture Theatre will be performing excerpts from the Broadway Musical, “Rent”.

If you are in the Billings area, please come and say “Hi”- I’d love to see you – and these folks do good work.

And in Bozeman, we have The Red Ribbon Ball, AIDS Outreach’s 1st annual classy soiree to benefit client services at AIDS Outreach:

Please support these very worthwhile causes….