Disease and Dad

From my friend Mark S King over at My Fabulous Disease comes this gem:

The descriptions of his decline, in whispered calls from back home, had a dreadfully familiar feel to them. Weight loss at a frightful pace. Losing interest in the world. Suddenly looking very old indeed. Most gay men of a certain age have heard those words, have seen the patient, have buried the friend. This case was different, though. It wasn’t AIDS, it was cancer.

And the patient was Dad.

The disease had swept rapidly through my father since his initial diagnosis. The inevitable was approaching, but the territory was completely unfamiliar to my family, who hadn’t seen a death in more than 30 years. They were about to get a tour through hell. I have traveled it many times.

Amazing take- especially since losing my own mom in April….
Read the full story here.

Oslo: Something To Remember

Jul25 by D Gregory Smith

I’ve been struggling to find a meaningful way to discuss the Oslo/Utoya tragedy- and I’m at the point of simply admitting the sheer frustration I have with my abilities as a writer, as a therapist, as a commentator- and as a human being. Maybe you’re there, too.

I want to know things that may be impossible to know: What created Anders Behring Breivik? Or, at least, what caused him to turn an automatic rifle towards children- strangers, innocents- and begin firing? What can prevent this sort of thing from happening in the future?

It’s not easy, but to glean anything from the news reports and the writings of Breivik himself is to come up with large fistfuls of chaff and a few measly chunks of nutritive information. The temptation to run with them is strong. The temptation to demonize right-wing extremists and to create parallels in the U.S.- where none may exist- is almost aching in its pull. The desire to condemn this violence as something entirely opposite from my particular political and social point of view is hard to ignore. And yet, for all these strong temptations, I can’t get past one thing.

What terrifies me most is that it happened in Norway.

“The country maintains a Nordic welfare model with universal health care, subsidized higher education, and a comprehensive social security system. From 2001 to 2007,^[13] and then again in 2009 and 2010, Norway had the highest human development index ranking in the world.”

This is not a country of people who are suffering from great numbers of the hungry, homeless, uneducated and uninsured. This is one of the most prosperous (human condition-wise) countries in the world. It has one of the strongest safety nets- if not the strongest- in the world for the protection of its citizens.

If such a tragedy could happen there- then what does that mean for the rest of the world?

I don’t know. And I’m not sure we’ll ever know.

I do know that all the laws in the world, all the tightening of regulations and of loopholes and sterner conviction and punishment policies won’t do one thing: they won’t mend the damage that has happened to people who now look at the stranger on the street with mistrust and fear.

What will?

Perhaps a reminder that this man became divorced from the human race in favor of an ideology. That he couldn’t see the suffering of fellow creatures as something relevant- because his beliefs and ideologies drowned them out- displacing compassion and even, I would argue, his humanity. It’s what we’ve seen before, it’s what we see now- subtle sometimes, but definitely present:

Ideology crowding out humanity.

We see it in political strategies and campaigns. It is visible in church policies, legal precedents, economics, social commentary- you name it, it’s probably there.

When ideology displaces humanity, our soul- our safety net- has departed.

I would suggest that the only way to get beyond this universal tragedy is to learn its lesson. And, it may be simpler than we think. To paraphrase Jesus of Nazareth, “People were not made for the law, but law is made for the good of the people.” All people. All human beings. Not just some. Not just one race, one gender, one sexuality, one religion, one political party, one country, etc.

The tragedy is in forgetting- forgetting that we’re all in this together. And arguably, every historical attempt to negate that simple statement has ended in tragedy. I will not bring in the dramatic historical examples you may be thinking of right now. That would be too easy. And this, for being such a simple concept, is obviously not so easy- or we wouldn’t be talking about it right now.

We only remember when horrifying tragedies like this make us stand up and take notice.

And that, I think, is the greatest tragedy of all.

For Ted and Jack, Marriage Equality Came Too Late

Jul24 by D Gregory Smith

Ted and Jack

Crossposted at Bilerico.com

You may remember my friend Ted Hayes. He’s been a guest of the site, writing a column about fundamentalism and sexuality and the pro-choice-life rhetoric.

New York’s Hudson Valley Times Herald-Record profiled Ted today- on the day that marriage equality becomes a reality in that state- and it’s beautiful.

For many people outside the LGBT world, gay pride and marriage equality is too often seen simply as the cause of “radical” youth- the pierced, cross-dressing, politically and theologically liberal boys/girls/trans/men/women with their Harleys and glitter and rollerskates.

It is that- and I happen to love it and believe in the power and importance of self-expression.

But it’s also more.

Gay Pride and marriage equality are also about the people of advancing age who have struggled to live their lives with love and integrity in the face of hatred, anger, denial and oppression- the kind that many of us today simply cannot fathom.

Enter Ted:

This is a short story about a man’s long life as he stands on the brink of a day he never thought would arrive.

At the age of eight, Ted Hayes heard a kid in the schoolyard call another kid a queer.

Hayes asked a friend what the word meant.

“It means when boys like boys, not girls. My dad says anyone like that should be killed.”

The friend said he was sure glad he wasn’t like that. Hayes agreed.

“That was the day the lying began — years and years of lying,” Hayes, of Stone Ridge, recalled last week.

The state’s gay marriage law takes effect Sunday. Hayes, now 80, grew up in the South and has mixed feelings about it. He’s fought for gay marriage and he’s glad it’s finally come to pass. Yet, the law ends at the New York state border. It represents a battle won, in a war that’s still being fought.

The law’s passage came too late for Hayes to share its satisfactions with his partner of 26 years, Jack Waite, who died of cancer two years ago at the age of 94.

“Jack could never grasp how our being married would have harmed another’s marriage in the slightest,” Hayes said, dismay coloring his voice.

The harm that’s been done, as Hayes has experienced it, has not been done by those who have struggled for marriage equality but by those who would deny them, people who have tried all Hayes’s long life to keep him a fearful, uncomplaining second-class citizen.

Thanks, Ted. We owe you one.

Read the full, beautiful story here.

America’s Cold Civil War

Jul23 by D Gregory Smith

Andrew Sullivan calls it.
Money quote:

Now that Nixon’s dream has come true and the GOP is fundamentally the party of the Confederacy, it was perhaps naive to think they could ever accept the legitimacy of this president, or treat him with respect or act as adults in the governing process.

This coming from a thoughtful conservative. Just more evidence that the thoughtful conservatives are not in charge in The House.
Full essay here.

Survey Time!

Jul23 by D Gregory Smith

I am always interested in helping researchers understand HIV+ persons, our treatment and the ways we live with our disease. So when I run across them, I like to bring them to your attention.

You are invited to participate in a research project entitled: “Impact of physician communication on HIV/AIDS patients.”
You will be asked about your experiences communicating with your doctor.
This questionnaire will also ask you about your demographic information as well as your HIV/AIDS treatment.

Take the survey here.

Thought You Didn’t Have To Worry About Hepatitis C?

Jul22 by D Gregory Smith

Hot on the heels of Godzilla Gonorrhea, comes further buzzkill from Science Daily:

Sexual transmission of hepatitis C virus (HCV) is considered rare. But a new study by researchers at Mount Sinai School of Medicine, working with the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC), provides substantial evidence that men with HIV who have sex with other men (MSM) are at increased risk for contracting HCV through sex.

Yeah. I know- what next? And while it bears further watching, it’s still not the end of the world:

“While hepatitis C is rarely transmitted among stable heterosexual couples, this is clearly not the case among HIV-infected MSM in New York City,” said Dr. Daniel Fierer, Assistant Professor of Medicine and Infectious Diseases at Mount Sinai School of Medicine. “MSM, and to some extent their health care providers are generally not aware that having unprotected receptive sex can result in HCV infection. The good news is that the cure rate for new HCV infections is very high with early treatment, but without regular testing of the men at risk, these largely asymptomatic infections may be missed and this opportunity lost.”
“Our study suggests that HIV-infected MSM should take steps to protect themselves and others by using condoms. Also, health care providers should be screening these men for hepatitis C, and public education and outreach programs should include information about these risks,” Dr. Fierer concluded.

And if you think you’re at risk, (for more info, click this link) you should talk to your healthcare provider and/or ask to be tested.

Your health is YOUR health. Advocate for it.

A Thought On Prop 8 and Gender

Jul22 by D Gregory Smith

My partner finds all sorts of things that he brings to my attention every day- just one of the many reasons I love him. This came up yesterday….

From Metafilter (edited for ease of reading):

“Proposition 8 Eliminates Right of Same-Sex Couples to Marry:

Initiative Constitutional Amendment SECTION I. Title
This measure shall be known and may be cited as the “California Marriage Protection Act.”
SECTION 2. Article I. Section 7.5 is added to the California Constitution, to read: Sec. 7.5. Only marriage between a man and a woman is valid or recognized in California.”

The biggest problem is that laws like the California initiative will make the courts decide who is male and who is female — and all available decision criteria create unavoidable miscarriages of justice that will, or should, dismay initiative proponents.

You’re probably thinking, about now, that I’m going to exaggerate the sex-definitional 1 problem: Probably, you and everyone you know is unambiguously male or female — or at least has always believed himself or herself to be so, and nobody’s challenged that, and nobody’s likely to.

That’s true, absolutely: Only maybe one live birth in 100 has some non-standard sex anatomy, and genetic anomalies are slightly rarer than that.

However, let’s talk about those 1-in-100 or 1-in-1000 cases — because those could be you, or your aunt, or your best friend — and because our system of law has to deal with 1-in-1000 situations, too.

Excellent point…. Click the link above to join in the conversation.

Bozeman PFLAG

Jul21 by D Gregory Smith

Last night I told my story to a lovely group of people at the Bozeman PFLAG meeting- and it occurred to me that maybe more people need to know about PFLAG and what they do.

From their website:

Parents, Families and Friends of Lesbians and Gays (PFLAG) is a national non-profit organization with over 200,000 members and supporters and over 350 affiliates in the United States. This vast grassroots network is cultivated, resourced and serviced by the PFLAG National Office, located in Washington, D.C., the national Board of Directors and 13 Regional Directors.

A great group of people invested in LGBT equality. And they’re special because they represent the best of our allies- our parents, neighbors, siblings and friends- as well as LGBT persons.

Equality will only happen when the majority of Americans- who are not gay- realize and accept the ordinary reality of LGBT persons and their human desires for a beautiful life.

Bozeman’s group is fantastic- and they could use any extra support and encouragement you might be willing to give. Thank you all for a great evening!

Go ahead and look them up. Their Facebook page is here.

Comment Leads To Action?

Jul20 by D Gregory Smith

Last week I posted a video of human rights activist Mitchell Gold taking on smug Christian fundamentalist Peter Sprigg. Got quite a lot of hits, and some interesting comments. One of the comments, from reader Teresa, got me thinking. I’ve edited it for ease of reading (not content) and added hyperlinks to the text she refers to:

I clicked on the Faith in America link and came across this great document, “A Report by Faith in America: Addressing Religious Arguments to Achieve LGBT Equality.”

I found this in the document.

“In 2006, the organization began a series of four-week educational campaigns in a number of communities across America with print newspaper ads, billboards and radio ads with polling conducted prior to the start and several weeks after each campaign – which had closed with a community meeting to discuss religion-based bigotry toward the LGBT community. Polling in each campaign showed positive movement in acceptance levels.”

How do we go about doing this in Montana before the next legislative session?

How indeed?

I think it’s very important to remember that unchallenged religious views are among the most damaging forces to human equality. Many of the fundamental negative things people believe about gay people aren’t scriptural- they’re anecdotal, anti-scientific, anti-experiential and don’t hold up under scrutiny. And I’m sick of people hiding behind Christian belief in order to promote their intolerance.

Maybe it’s time to challenge them on a broader level in Montana.

Anybody own a billboard?

HIV: Treatment is Prevention

Jul18 by D Gregory Smith

Today’s New England Journal of Medicine has an excellent research study on HIV, entitled Preventing HIV-1 Infection with Antiretroviral Therapy.

Scott Hammer,MD, in an editorial for the journal, gives a brief overview of the study:

In this issue of the Journal, Cohen et al. describe the results of the HIV Prevention Trials Network (HPTN) 052 study, which has now provided definitive proof that (as suggested by the findings of previous cohort studies) antiretroviral treatment reduces the rate of sexual transmission of HIV-1.

Did you hear that? Definitive proof.

Early antiretroviral treatment not only significantly lowers the risk of transmitting the virus, it also shows increased health benefits for the HIV infected. The conclusions by the research team in the article:

In conclusion, the biologic plausibility of the use of antiretroviral therapy for the prevention of HIV-1 infection has been carefully examined during the past two decades. The idea of HIV-1 treatment as prevention has garnered tremendous interest and hope and inspired a series of population-level HIV-1 treatment-as-prevention studies that are now in the pilot or planning stages. Such interventions are based on the hypothesis that the use of antiretroviral therapy reliably prevents HIV-1 transmission over an extended period of time. In this trial, we found that early antiretroviral therapy had a clinical benefit for both HIV-1–infected persons and their uninfected sexual partners. These results support the use of antiretroviral treatment as a part of a public health strategy to reduce the spread of HIV-1 infection. (emphasis mine)

This is science at work. Get tested. If you’re HIV-positive, get into care and take your meds. We can slow this thing down.

Money quote from Dr Hammer:

Antiretroviral therapy is by no means perfect and is not the ultimate answer to controlling and ending the HIV epidemic. Adverse events, emergence of drug-resistant viral strains, maintenance of adherence, sustainability, and cost are just some of the concerns. However, this is precisely the wrong time to limit access to antiretroviral therapy in resource-limited settings, since we have the tools in hand to maintain or restore health in infected persons and reduce transmission to their sexual partners.

Yep.
So now that we know, will anything happen?

(PS- the picture above is of my morning pills)